Self-esteem is such a delicate part of our mental make up. I mean, it takes almost nothing to damage it and literally everything to rebuild it. Low self-esteem causes us to uncontrollably rely on other people for the cure. Which puts us in a very valuable state (to be honest, no person can actually help you pull your self-esteem up right?). Self-esteem is the way you see yourself which means it is up to you to fix it.
But like any challenge we face in life, there is a cause to our problem and in order to fully understand how we can overcome, we must first identify what self-esteem is and where low self-esteem stems from.
What is self esteem?
According to google, self esteem is “confidence in one’s worth or abilities; self-respect.”
Basically, self-esteem is how we view ourselves. It is the meter for whether we try that new thing or shy away from the unknown.
Why do we struggle with low self-esteem? Many things have been found to have correlations with low self-esteem, most of them, however have not been officially proven.
Amongst those things are various types of abuse and rejection.
Many times we see ourselves as less than and undervalued because of what someone else has displayed or told us about us. Then we look to those same people to build us back up but the truth is, they never will but your self worth is more important than other people’s opinions. Others will say all kinds of things, but their view of you is characterized by how you relate to them.
Therefore it is up to you to say and believe the truth about who you really are! Which means, first, you have to realize that you are the only person that can truly label yourself. People can say whatever they want but it will not matter unless you believe them. So let’s eliminate those negative voices but stating who you are!
You are unique
“…A chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9
In short, not only are you unique, but God has chosen you! He has a plan and a purpose that no one else can carry out but you.
You are loved
Yes, you are. Don’t believe the lies.
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken…” Isaiah 54:10
People will make you feel unworthy, unloved, undervalued and forgotten. But it is not true. They are simply hurting people, hurting other people.
“Hurting people hurt people, but whole people heal people” -Kimberly Harris (my mom)
The same way we wouldn’t trust a liar to diagnose another liar, do not trust people with a distorted view of themselves to tell you who you are. Ultimately, God says he loves you and that is epic.
You are beautiful
Beauty is an inside thing! Sure, it’s nice to be considered physically attractive, but if that is the only way you measure your worth then you will miss out on reaching your full potential. Who are you internally? Do you know yourself or does figuring yourself out stress you?
It is okay to take the time to learn yourself. What makes you laugh? Why do you feel strongly about this or that? What makes you angry? Why does it make you angry? What are your overall goals when you do or do not approach a situation?
Your Situation Doesn’t Define You
It is cliché, but hear me out. What’s going on around you, how other people respond to you, why these opportunities come or go is not part of who you are. They’re your surroundings.
A lot of times it it so easy to get caught up in what’s going on and measuring yourself by the good or bad that’s happening to you. In good times, enjoy yourself, but don’t boast in what you have going for you, just rest. It is okay to be happy as long as it is not at someone else’s expense. One of the greatest ways to boost your self-esteem is to help boost someone else’s!
“Through the sunshine or rain, I know where my hope is found, what you started in me I know you will complete from the inside out.” Casting Crowns, In The Hands of the Potter
And in the storms of life, evaluate where your hope is set because that is what’s going to hold you together. Purpose to strive no matter what, because you can only be brought down as far as you allow. I know it’s harder to keep that positive mindset when things get tough– it’s so much easier said than done– but it’s honestly the only way to truly make it through.
No one is perfect
Yeah, you make mistakes, everyone does, but you’re well aware of that. What I actually mean is, no one is living a perfect life, and even the most gorgeous person can have doubts that they look “that” good. Even if they won’t admit it. It is part of human nature.
Of course, you hear all the time “don’t compare yourself to others.” Honestly, how you perceive someone is usually waaay different from the way they see themselves and even more different from the reality of how their life is. Which is why, I say, instead of being jealous of the way someone seems, use it as an opportunity to say ‘hey you’re pretty’ or ‘you’re really talented’. Building others up is essential and does an internal job on you too.
What’s Your Heart Condition?
I’ve said a lot about other people being the cause of your low self-esteem. But sometimes, we are the reason we feel so low. We reject and bury our own feelings and ideas to the point that we can’t seem to dig them back out and that’s just as dangerous as anything anybody else will do to us.
What we believe about ourselves does matter, and it will not change unless we make an effort to change it.
You and I can never bring our self-esteem up without doing a heart job. Our self-esteem takes a hit in our minds first and then becomes a heartache. So here’s what we have to remember:
(try saying it to yourself!)
My heart holds kindness,
I am beautiful on the inside first, then the out,
I am not superior, or inferior, I am a friend,
I will mess up but I am not a mistake,
I seek to inspire,
I am valued,
I am loved and lovable,
I am not ashamed of me!
Never forget that you are worth it. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so do NOT let those with tainted glasses tell you that you’re anything less than priceless, one-of-a-kind and loved!